Ghosts of the Past
by XFKirsten
Summary: Beckett is lost after learning Castle's secret… and gets a visit from her mother to help her find her way. One-shot.


Kate Beckett stared into the deep, red depths of the wineglass in her hand. Tears slid silently down her cheeks, leaving damp patches on the afghan that rested over her knees.

_How could he? _she thought as she took a long drink. After he had begged her, _pleaded_ with her to step away from her mother's case, he then turned around and looked into it himself? At least with her help, he would have had someone to watch his back. Instead, he had thrown himself into harm's way, risking his own life just as he had been unwilling to let her risk her own. Hypocrite.

Kate took one last sip of wine then leaned forward and set her empty glass down on the coffee table. She bit her lip and wiped at another tear that tracked down her face. Then, sinking back into the corner of the couch, she drew her feet up beside her, wrapped the blanket tightly around her shoulders, and squeezed her eyes shut.

They were supposed to be past the hurt and lies. After weeks of tension and clipped conversations, they had finally sat down and talked about that day at the cemetery. They were still a long way from normal, but when he had called her to his loft that evening, the last thing she had expected was for the night to end with her stumbling out his door with tears in her eyes and a deep ache in her heart.

As thoughts and feelings of betrayal swirled through her mind, the wine she'd poured as soon as she got home began to drag at her. She drifted closer to a restless sleep, with just one mantra forming an endless refrain:

_How could he?_

* * *

Kate awoke with an unexpected sense of peace. Without opening her eyes, she pulled the afghan closer about her shoulders. She even smiled as she breathed in the comforting cherry scent that surrounded her.

It took several moments before she could think clearly enough to remember that she hadn't worn any perfume that day. So what-

She felt the gentle pressure of fingertips at her temple, brushing her hair behind her ear.

"Oh, Katie."

Kate opened her eyes slowly. At first she couldn't see anything in the darkness, but then the hazy outline of someone kneeling beside her began to take shape. As she blinked away the fogginess of sleep, her breath caught in her throat and her heart stopped.

"Mom?"

Her voice sounded small, as if she were unable to breathe in enough air to speak. That was all she could muster as she stared disbelievingly into her mother's eyes.

"Katie," her mother repeated softly. Johanna Beckett smiled down at her daughter, love and concern etched into her features. She settled onto the edge of the couch, sitting at her daughter's hip.

Kate pushed herself up onto her elbows, but her eyes never left her mother's face, as if looking away would cause her to disappear. When she finally found her voice, it was barely a whisper. "Mom? You're here, but you… you… how…"

Johanna just shook her head with a smile, and Kate briefly wondered whether she meant _no, I'm not actually here_ or _don't worry about it_. Either way, Kate let the question of "how" drift away and simply basked in the presence of someone she had missed so dearly.

"I miss you, Katie," Johanna said softly, reaching out again to run the back of her fingers against her daughter's cheek.

Kate instinctively leaned into the touch and closed her eyes. "I miss you, too. So much."

Johanna drew her hand back. "I know," she answered with a sad sigh. "Maybe too much."

Kate's eyes snapped open and she couldn't help the hurt that flashed across her face along with the uncertainty.

Her mother saw both in an instant and reached out to cover Kate's hand. "I love you. I'm _proud_ of you - more than I could ever tell. You've grown into a beautiful, brave woman. Despite everything you've been through, you still stand tall and fight for what you believe in. You've become the woman I always dreamed you'd be."

Tears pooled behind Kate's eyes and she bit her lip. She tried to remember everything she had ever wished she could say, but the emotion of the moment wiped her mind blank.

"But Katie," Johanna continued, "there's so much more I want for you."

Kate's eyebrows knitted in confusion. "What do you mean?"

Silently, her mother reached out and fingered the ring that still rested on a chain around her daughter's neck. She studied it with a sad longing, lost in memory. Kate followed her mother's movements, and then looked back up as understanding dawned on her.

"Happiness," Johanna finally said, "the kind that I found with your father." She dropped her hand back down and met her daughter's gaze. "You have that chance. Don't lose it."

Kate bit her lip and closed her eyes. Her shoulders sagged and her head dropped to her chest as memories of earlier that evening came flooding back. "I _thought_ I had that chance," she replied, her voice wavering. "I… I guess I thought wrong. He went behind my back. How can I have that with someone I can't trust?"

Johanna reached out and gently lifted Kate's chin. "You _can_ trust him, Katie, and you know it." Off her daughter's hesitant look, she continued. "No one is perfect. No relationship will ever be without hurdles. Even your father and I had our own share of disagreements. He didn't do this out of spite. He did it because he wanted to help you, protect you. He did it because he _loves you._"

The corner of Kate's mouth twitched upward, almost imperceptibly.

"You already trust him with your life, now trust him with your heart."

The hint of a smile disappeared from Kate's face instantly. "But this case, _your_ case-"

"What's done is done. I know you want justice, and I'm proud of you for that. But even more, I just want you to be truly happy. That's all I ever wanted." Johanna took her daughter's hand again and looked her straight in the eyes, forcing the next words home. "You'll never be letting me down if you're happy, even if you walk away from this case forever."

The tears that had been building behind Kate's eyes finally spilled forth, and she leaned in to embrace her mother. As warm arms wrapped around her, Kate closed her eyes and buried her nose in her mother's shoulder, and thirteen years of loss and longing poured out. "I love you, Mom."

"I love you too, sweetheart. So, so much."

Johanna pressed a kiss into her hair as they settled side-by-side on the couch. Kate snuggled into her mother's side and just let herself be held like she had done as a child. Her mother was there with her, keeping the world and all its struggles at bay. It wasn't long before the peace and contentment that she felt gave way to sleep.

* * *

When Kate woke again, the world was still dark. She blinked away drowsiness as she felt the afghan pressed up against her cheek. But she'd fallen asleep alongside-

"Mom?"

She sat up sharply and looked around. She told herself it was silly to expect an answer, but a part of her could not give up hope.

It was a dream. It had to have been a dream, right? But Kate swore she could still smell the scent of her mother's cherry perfume…

Dream or not, she was suddenly overcome with a sense of determination and urgency. Kate threw her legs over the side of the couch and hurried into her room. She quickly threw on a change of clothes and ran a brush through her hair. When she returned to the living room, Kate's eyes fell to her phone, still resting on the coffee table. She leaned down and picked it up, then wondered briefly if she should wait until daylight to see him. It was still only 4:30 AM. But it wouldn't be the first time she had called him that early. It had happened many times before, when a body had dropped.

Kate took a deep, steadying breath and hit the speed dial button before she could change her mind. With each ring, she felt panic rising in her throat. What if he wouldn't answer?

But then she heard his voice and let out the breath she didn't know she'd been holding.

"Castle… can we talk?"


End file.
